This past month.....

OMG. This past month has been so busy. Tests, papers, papers,papers, reading, social life, papers, reading, and did I mention papers? It seems that as soon as one ends another one begins...or maybe that's me. I always procrastinate on my papers and end up working on them/writing them the night before they are due. Four pages in four hours? I think so! But, I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT! I'm getting to old to pull that kind of stuff....like right now... damn, I should be writing on my paper, not this blog. One of these days I'm going to get down to the psychological aspect of why I procrastinate so much and wait to the last minute. Laziness is definitely a key factor but I'm going to go the path of self-diagnosis!

Anyways, I'm getting besides the point here. This is the reason that I'm blogging: for the past month I've been so busy that I "kind of" forgot that Ago had died. Now, "'kind of' forgot" is not the best terms to put it in. The mourning process is not yet over, but reality is setting in, I'm coming to terms with the fact that he is no longer with me. Yes, I had a little bit of a spout (actually it was more a tantrum-I'll cover that later [fml. procrastination anyone!]) in the beginning of October, but other than that it seems that I am slowly but surely moving on. What I wanted to do was stop time and take a moment to look back on everything. Unfortunately, I do not have that super power (although stopping time is that super power I wish I had; I fantasize about stopping time, I would use it to catch up on my sleep) but I have taken time to look back on everything, and while I do miss him, I know that he is not going to be back and that yes...life goes on.

But I am getting ahead of myself here. I have not been faced with significant moments in our lives yet. I have yet to come upon his birthday (he would of been 95), Thanksgiving, or Christmas. For these I will be remembering my memories of last years holidays.

Do i have to change my banner now?

What is Sparmenglish going to come to? It certainly not over; it's just beginning. I have plans for this blog, for this concept. But now, with the death of Ago I find that "speaking Sparmenglish" is now defunct. Really who is there for me to communicate this way with?

But I have found that Sparmenglish is more than the language/way I used to communicate with my grandparents. It also, somehow wrapped into my own identity. And that is something that I need to figure out: how each of them: My Armenian heritage, Argentine influence, and American nationality influence who I am.

Or...i can just say F@#$ this y'all. I'm Texan.

What will I say? How will I say it? (plain English or some Sparmenglish words thrown in?) Well, that's what this blog is for.

September 2 Catia 0

Well...after a mini vacation from blogging it's time to return. Even though, to my knowledge, I have no readers, it still helps me to get somethings off of my mind. So this is what has been missed:

• Ago died. Oh but I already blogged about that. It's setting in, the fact that he is no longer a physical presence in my life. I really miss him and I catch myself thinking about him a lot.
• I visited my family on the east coast. It's good that I did because two days after I left my grandmother was hospitalized. Cirrhosis of the liver I believe. A tainted blood transplant back in the 60s left her with Hep C. She's been living with it for years and she knew this could creep up on her. I don't think anyone expected it this soon though. Oh well. What my family went through last May and June is what we're going through right now. Home care, moving, hospitalizations: it's surreal.
• School started. That's always fun! (hint hint sarcasm). My classes are reading intensive and I'm already behind because....well....hmm....see below.
• September. Need I say more. I DO NOT like this month. In fact, I think I blogged about how much I hated it last year. Why do I have issues with September? (1) Its just a blahhh month. Nothing to special or significant going on. Actually i covered that last year... (2) September has not been good to me. I was sick (102 fever! doesn't help that there's a swine flu panic going around) and I sprained my ankle (damn racquetball). I played basketball for more than five years, I've been active, I exercise (I should more regulalry though) and I have never sprained my ankle before. Can you believe that? Actually that is soooo believable. Why am i even hung up about it? It happens to everyone. I think i'm just looking for reasons to hate this month. I think I'm anxious for November (I love it!) and so I want it to arrive as quickly as possible and September just "gets in the way" lol. October's better because the weather is nicer and it's fall, everything is changing. Hmmm....maybe a disseratation about September in grad school? Ojalá not. But I know...when i have a career I will be taking my vacations in September.

I can't think of anything else to worth blogging about in relation to this blog. But when something pops into my head, it will be noted!

It dawned on me today that people are not immortal. I learned that lesson with Ago. Somewhere, in the back of my brain, I truly believed that he was not going to leave this earth. I mean come on people, he basically outlived and survived a lot of things. He was a survivor and nothing could get to him. Genocide? Nope. Communism? He's just left (escaped is really the proper word though). Broken arm? No sweat. This man started using a treadmill in his nineties; he wasn't going anywhere!

But there where other plans for him. It was his time. He had lived for ninety-four years. And what was he living for? He took care of himself extremely well-why? What did he want to see?

Yes of course, he wanted to live for his family. He wanted to see my brother and I grow up, go to college, and live our lives, as with the rest of the family: his daughter (my mother), son-in-law and niece. But I like to think that he was peace with that. He knew we'd be okay.

About two months before he passed, my mother found The Armenian Golgotha translated into English. This book was written in Armenian by an Armenian priest, Grigoris Balakian. In it is a passage about Ago's father and how he died. Even Ago is mentioned. (I need to go back through the passage. I can't believe that I do not have a copy of this book). All of his life there was Ago's father mentioned...proof of existence...but only people who could read Armenian knew. In translation, there was Ago's father in English, in writing, through this the whole world knew that the Armenian Genocide was not a lie, it actually had happened, and Ago's father was a victim. And I like to think that with the translation of this book, Ago became at peace. He was at peace knowing that his legacy, that his father's legacy lives on.