Espanol no mas?

I had my first final today and then I get done with academic "stuff" on Monday. And then, I will be a senior next year. Oh.my.god. A senior. This next time next May I'll be done with school! Holy crap. What am I going to do with myself? This is all I've known for the past fifteen years.

I think the bigger accomplishment for today is that, according to the state of Texas, I have fulfilled my foreign language requirement; a requirement that has been with me since I was a sophomore in high school.

I'm actually going to miss having a Spanish class. Spanish classes were where you got some of the most interesting people. All my Spanish classes were required and I guarantee you that 100% of the students in that class were there because they had to be.

There's nothing wrong with that, and except for the Spanish IV which I took in high school (which was a DISASTER! La maestra had the nerve to tell us that "there's nothing I can teach y'all." Well, who the f@#$ tells high school students that? What kind of motivation is that? Basically, it was like she said You had tres semestres de Español. I expect you to be fluent now, so I'm going to sit at my desk, attempt to look teacherly, and wait for you come up to me with questions, instead of- ya know- REVIEWING with y'all what you should know.) Uh oh...I went on a tangent. Back to the point.

Essentially, I enjoyed every single one those classes, especially the ones in college. I was fortunate to have some wonderful profesoras who knew the language like the back of their hand and genuinely cared about their students. And the people in the classes were some of the most interesting people I have met. Even though we all had to be in that classroom, we all made it a good time.

What use of Spanish do I have now that I'm no longer in the class. Wait...don't answer that. I live in Texas and spanish will always be in my life, via Sparmenglish.

Adios la clase de Español.

Sparmenglish on repeat

Sparmenglish is something I have been working on for more or less five years now. By working on I mean writing the same damn thing over. I seriously have pieces of paper with the same words written on them. Words like:

• "How I used Sparmenglish to communicate with my gparents..."
• "It started as a way for me to communicate with my gparents..."
• "We mixed words from each language because we didn't know them in the one language..."

I'm tired of this. I want to take it to a new degree. But I'm at point where I don't know how to do it. Ever since my grandfather died, I haven't really explored or used Sparmenglish. I turned in a paper about how Sparmenglish was more than a language solution it was also how I identified myself. This is relatively new idea for me, and this is where the story is, if there is one. How do I bring the languages and the cultures that they imply together. I unify and then confuse them of course!

The Meaning of Dreams?

Wowza. Crazy dream last night. I was traveling to see my paternal grandparents who live in Deleware. My parents were already there, everyone was just waiting for me to arrive (in my dreams, and in real-life I tend to take my sweet ol' time). I finally arrived and when I went over to hug my grandma I saw Ago. I stopped hugging my grandmother and went over to my deceased maternal grandfather where I couldn't stop hugging him. I couldn't believe that he was alive. I think I made my grandma upset because she gave me a disappointing look (however this may be because of some weight I've put on recently which I'm trying desperately to take off). My family wanted to go out and do somethings, however I wanted to spend all of my time with my Ago.

The next part of my dream that I remember was really bizarre. I managed to lose my gpops! I guess Ago wanted to go shopping (what else is new:) ) at some of the stores on the main street and I didn't know which ones. I remember running up and down the street looking for him, thinking that he was going to be in the next one! I even managed to get a calf workout with all the running because I managed to climb some steel/metal steps. My legs were burning and they had never felt that way before. I guess this is a sign that I need to work out more?? Yeah, and I don't know what the siginificance of the steel material is but I never found him because I woke up.

I laid in bed for a couple of minutes after that. Just thinking of my dream. It seemed so real. I was actually hugging him! In my dream I felt myself trying position my self so that I could fit comfortably and hug him because of his hunch. I guess I'm just missing him more these days. Last spring was actually the last time I saw him as the Ago I knew.

My friend and ex-roommate knows that I tend to have these crazy-ass dreams. There have been several times when I have bombarded her with their summaries. And something similar in my dream has actually happened in real life! Scary right?? We'll...because of this I got a dream dictionary with the psychological significance and the astrological meaning of dreams. So I guess I have to go consult with them. Speaking of astrology...I need to get back to studying for that astronomy test! grrrrrrrrrrrr

April

It seems that everyone I've been talking with lately all have the same question: "Is it April already?" I can't believe it either. April. So much to do in April. It's the last full month of classes before my schedule gets topsy-turvy for finals; Easter, which is surprisingly early this year (or at least I think it is); Armenian Genocide Remembrance day (April 24th); and of course, probably the most important date in April, my mother's birthday.

But now, April has a more significant meaning for me. It was the calm before the storm, it was the last month that Ago lived normally. He did his normal routine: woke up at 4 am, ate, exercised, read, ate, read, napped, went to the grocery store/Vitamin Shoppe, ate lunch, read, napped, ate a light dinner, read, got ready for bed, went to bed at 8 pm. As you can see he lead an exciting life. But he did this normal routine and it was his life before his life got disrupted.

This was also the month that my mother found the English translation of "The Armenian Golgotha" the book that documented the most dramatic and comprehensive eyewitnesses of The Genocide. This book is meaningful to us because it has a passage about Ago's father, where it basically chronicles his death. This was the first text in English to put in words what happened to my family history. This was the first text that allowed the rest of the world to know and understand not only what happened to my family and other families like mine, but also why The Armenian Genocide is such an issue more than 90 years after it occurred: because it was wrong and because it is denied today. But most importantly this put my great-grandfather in existence, he lived, this happened to him, and who can deny that?

Video Games :/

I can't believe how fast the semester is coming to a close. Right now I have three essays due in the next week and a half, and two of them are extremely similar in topic. Both are going to be a bout Video Games, specifically Second Life. One will be how Second Life is used as an educational tool and the other will be about how Video Games affect children with mental disorders, such as Autism and Aspergers.

So video games are a teaching tool now?

Isn't that funny how are education system is changing? Because of these new technologies and new mediums that arise, I am studying how an online universe, that has a penchant for getting people obsessed on it and is used as entertainment now suddenly has real world implications. Where are the real world implications for Mario Kart and Donkey Kong Kountry? Beside violence, what can I take away from Halo and Modern Warfare? If I had no previous knowledge about the military, would my assumptions be based on that game? And when a little boy walks off the "field" in Madden does he take the same lesson he would have got if he was on an actual football field?

I don't know these answers...but in the next two papers I'm going to find out!

The Book

Last week I walked past my roommate's desk and happened to see that she had the book. Not just any book but the book. For the past 40-50 years of his life, my grandfather followed a strict health regiment. All those times I blogged about buying cucumbers, avocados, alfalfa sprouts, and Evian water...well factor in some pears, cherries, the whole leafy greens section of Krogerine, add soy milk and cheese, and multiply it by two times a week. This was all because of the diet that he followed in Recetas Nutrivas Que Curan, or Nutritional Healing. He even had two copies of it, one that he specifically brought when he made the two minute trek to our house.

He eventually bought my mother a copy for her birthday, so we now have it in English also.

My grandfather lived his life according to this book. He took the vitamins it recommended, he ate the food that it said to, and gave up the food it said not to eat. This book is probably the most comprehensive and useful resource to use if you are looking to live healthily, Ago read it religiously for almost the last ten years of his life and he lived his life almost exactly like it recommended. When I saw my roomy reading it, it made me smile because I knew that this book, the book was going to influence her life as much as it did Ago's. (Well...actually IDK about that. It will influence her life, she will know what to eat and what kind of water to drink like gpops, etc., but I doubt she'd give up red C potatoes like Ago did.) And when I told her about him and the book, she said, If your grandpa lived to 94 and read this book, he must have been doing something right!

I didn't realize that Christmas is creeping up on me. So far my parents have put up the tree and we even have a present underneath!

Miss Daisy LOVES the Christmas tree skirt. Last year when we were putting all the xmas decorations away, we folded up the skirt, went to go look for the box, and when we came back she was sitting on the folded skirt with a "I know what you're doing, you're putting away my favorite sleeping spot" look on her face as well as a "This is unacceptable, how DARE you do this to me. I do not like this" expression. Yes, there are such looks. Any cat owner would know that cats have attitudes.

I'm using this time wisely I swear!

SO it's that last week of the semester. Tests tomorrow, project due tomorrow and here I am, in the PCL, sandwiched between the stacks because I couldn't get a table that was close enough to the proximity of the prized outlet. Yes, there is an insufficiency of outlets and desks to laptops and students. So while I wait for the laptop to charge up, and stalk my writing surface, I believe it will be time well spent to update this little blog. Right now I'm at 24% charged...looks like I'll be here a while.

Hmmm.....Thanksgiving was last week and it was well...ehhh..

It was the first Thanksgiving without either of my grandparents. Of course it wasn't the same, and Ago's presence was missed, but nobody mentioned it. I don't think that anyone wanted to bring it up. I genuinely think Ago enjoyed Thanksgiving. He never cooked anything, but he always joined us. He called it "el dia del pavo" and I believe that out of the whole year, it was this day that he ate meat.

But besides the point that this day encourages you to feast, Thanksgiving is a holiday for everyone. It doesn't matter where you're from, or what religion you are, everybody can celebrate it. Thanksgiving is a day just to say and give thanks. Something of that simple matter. And I think that's why my grandparents participated in it. With their different backgrounds and the fact that they were from different parts of the world, countries where this holiday was not celebrated, by participating in it, it brought them closer to their American grandkids.

ANNNNNDDDDD.....What else is new???

School is winding down. I'm drained from school and I don't want to talk about it. In the next few weeks I'll have time to process everything and then post on it.

I'm up to 45% yessssssssss!!!! I think I'll start studying now.

This past month.....

OMG. This past month has been so busy. Tests, papers, papers,papers, reading, social life, papers, reading, and did I mention papers? It seems that as soon as one ends another one begins...or maybe that's me. I always procrastinate on my papers and end up working on them/writing them the night before they are due. Four pages in four hours? I think so! But, I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT! I'm getting to old to pull that kind of stuff....like right now... damn, I should be writing on my paper, not this blog. One of these days I'm going to get down to the psychological aspect of why I procrastinate so much and wait to the last minute. Laziness is definitely a key factor but I'm going to go the path of self-diagnosis!

Anyways, I'm getting besides the point here. This is the reason that I'm blogging: for the past month I've been so busy that I "kind of" forgot that Ago had died. Now, "'kind of' forgot" is not the best terms to put it in. The mourning process is not yet over, but reality is setting in, I'm coming to terms with the fact that he is no longer with me. Yes, I had a little bit of a spout (actually it was more a tantrum-I'll cover that later [fml. procrastination anyone!]) in the beginning of October, but other than that it seems that I am slowly but surely moving on. What I wanted to do was stop time and take a moment to look back on everything. Unfortunately, I do not have that super power (although stopping time is that super power I wish I had; I fantasize about stopping time, I would use it to catch up on my sleep) but I have taken time to look back on everything, and while I do miss him, I know that he is not going to be back and that yes...life goes on.

But I am getting ahead of myself here. I have not been faced with significant moments in our lives yet. I have yet to come upon his birthday (he would of been 95), Thanksgiving, or Christmas. For these I will be remembering my memories of last years holidays.

Do i have to change my banner now?

What is Sparmenglish going to come to? It certainly not over; it's just beginning. I have plans for this blog, for this concept. But now, with the death of Ago I find that "speaking Sparmenglish" is now defunct. Really who is there for me to communicate this way with?

But I have found that Sparmenglish is more than the language/way I used to communicate with my grandparents. It also, somehow wrapped into my own identity. And that is something that I need to figure out: how each of them: My Armenian heritage, Argentine influence, and American nationality influence who I am.

Or...i can just say F@#$ this y'all. I'm Texan.

What will I say? How will I say it? (plain English or some Sparmenglish words thrown in?) Well, that's what this blog is for.

September 2 Catia 0

Well...after a mini vacation from blogging it's time to return. Even though, to my knowledge, I have no readers, it still helps me to get somethings off of my mind. So this is what has been missed:

• Ago died. Oh but I already blogged about that. It's setting in, the fact that he is no longer a physical presence in my life. I really miss him and I catch myself thinking about him a lot.
• I visited my family on the east coast. It's good that I did because two days after I left my grandmother was hospitalized. Cirrhosis of the liver I believe. A tainted blood transplant back in the 60s left her with Hep C. She's been living with it for years and she knew this could creep up on her. I don't think anyone expected it this soon though. Oh well. What my family went through last May and June is what we're going through right now. Home care, moving, hospitalizations: it's surreal.
• School started. That's always fun! (hint hint sarcasm). My classes are reading intensive and I'm already behind because....well....hmm....see below.
• September. Need I say more. I DO NOT like this month. In fact, I think I blogged about how much I hated it last year. Why do I have issues with September? (1) Its just a blahhh month. Nothing to special or significant going on. Actually i covered that last year... (2) September has not been good to me. I was sick (102 fever! doesn't help that there's a swine flu panic going around) and I sprained my ankle (damn racquetball). I played basketball for more than five years, I've been active, I exercise (I should more regulalry though) and I have never sprained my ankle before. Can you believe that? Actually that is soooo believable. Why am i even hung up about it? It happens to everyone. I think i'm just looking for reasons to hate this month. I think I'm anxious for November (I love it!) and so I want it to arrive as quickly as possible and September just "gets in the way" lol. October's better because the weather is nicer and it's fall, everything is changing. Hmmm....maybe a disseratation about September in grad school? Ojalá not. But I know...when i have a career I will be taking my vacations in September.

I can't think of anything else to worth blogging about in relation to this blog. But when something pops into my head, it will be noted!

It dawned on me today that people are not immortal. I learned that lesson with Ago. Somewhere, in the back of my brain, I truly believed that he was not going to leave this earth. I mean come on people, he basically outlived and survived a lot of things. He was a survivor and nothing could get to him. Genocide? Nope. Communism? He's just left (escaped is really the proper word though). Broken arm? No sweat. This man started using a treadmill in his nineties; he wasn't going anywhere!

But there where other plans for him. It was his time. He had lived for ninety-four years. And what was he living for? He took care of himself extremely well-why? What did he want to see?

Yes of course, he wanted to live for his family. He wanted to see my brother and I grow up, go to college, and live our lives, as with the rest of the family: his daughter (my mother), son-in-law and niece. But I like to think that he was peace with that. He knew we'd be okay.

About two months before he passed, my mother found The Armenian Golgotha translated into English. This book was written in Armenian by an Armenian priest, Grigoris Balakian. In it is a passage about Ago's father and how he died. Even Ago is mentioned. (I need to go back through the passage. I can't believe that I do not have a copy of this book). All of his life there was Ago's father mentioned...proof of existence...but only people who could read Armenian knew. In translation, there was Ago's father in English, in writing, through this the whole world knew that the Armenian Genocide was not a lie, it actually had happened, and Ago's father was a victim. And I like to think that with the translation of this book, Ago became at peace. He was at peace knowing that his legacy, that his father's legacy lives on.

I'm supposed to be writing a piece about Ago for the quarterly Armenian Magazine that the Priest publishes. I'm at a loss for words because I don't know what and how to write it. It seems that I want to write one thing, but my mother has her own ideas, and the Der Hayr is expecting something completely on his own. I have not been procrastinating this; I've been constantly thinking about what I want to say. It has not consumed me yet...but I have not been at home recently so it has not been as real. Whenever I'm at home is when reality strikes. When I'm in the ATX it's like "Yeah, Ago is gone...but I'm far away. If he was alive he would not be as big as my life if I was at home." Everything at home has been difficult. My parents have been mourning his loss, his things are scattered around the house, but i still can't believe he is gone. I went to Phoenicia yesterday and i really didn't want to go. I have yet to go to the Vitamin Shoppe. I don't really see a reason why...but i want closure with him there and it seems that if I go there he's somehow with me. I know that sounds...well...that sounds...

This is what I want: I want people to know the real Ago, what kind of man he was, but of course this has to be kept in the context of the Armenian heritage and religion, so....no still i want people to know who Ago was. But first do I know who Ago was?

Memories of My Grandfather

Besides being Ago's only granddaughter I was also one of his chaeffeurs. Immediately after he moved to the Woods my mother and I tag teamed on taking him to the regular places: HEB, Krogerine, "that store", and the Vitamin Shoppe. While we frequented all these, the stores we went to on a weekly basis were HEB and Krogerine. Because it was like clockwork, the cashiers and produce department employees began to expect us. Kroger's knew that every Wednesday, Ago and either his daughter or granddaughter would come in, buy his produce and Evian, and pay with his favorite cashier, K and smile with his amigo, our bagger Lawrence. It got to a point where Kroger, a national chain grocery store, became like a local mom and pop place. Every time I left K would tell me "Say hi to your mom for me!"

We knew the people who worked there and they knew us.

When I went with Ago I always looked for our cashiers, Z and Miss Lisa. They both were so patient with us and I can't speak for them, but it always seemed to me that they were happy to see us and they genuinely like Ago. I'm having some trouble explaining why...but i have this to share.

I went to HEB last week, and I stuck to my hold habits: I looked for our cashiers. I went to register seven were i found Miss Lisa. Apparently my mother had informed them about Ago's death. Immediately she told me her condolences and then went on to tell me about her memories of my grandfather. I was touched: someone else telling me their memories of mygrandpa. I was so happy to hear he made a small impression on her. Here was a lady I knew because of a weekly routine, she was always patient and friendly towards us, and she was telling me about the time she postponed her break because my grandpa was waiting in her line. She talked about the way he kept track of his change, how he dressed, and the way he'd usually pay for my groceries. She mentioned all the things about Ago that defined Ago. She told me she didn't know her grandparents and what a blessing it is/was for me to have such a close relationship with mine. She talked about Ago in a way that made me grateful that I really knew my grandfather.

I think this is one of the last pictures taken of Ago. He came over to our house just to come over. Maybe there was a specific purpose, I really don't remember. But, I love this picture. Everything about it: Ago in the passenger seat (I was taking him home), his hat, his jacket, el bastón, is Ago. And the smirk on his face has evolved from icy stares at the camera to a state of happiness that does not need a smile. Just a subtle grin.

Someone de-friended me on Facebook, and I don't know why. Did I mistakenly write something horrible on their wall? Not post on their birthday? Look at their profile? Or did they decide they didn't want to be friends with me? Participate in the Whopper Challenge? If it's the first one then why? Were we ever really friends? Apparently not I guess? Obviously there are more questions than answers that...so......I'm a little upset, but I'll be fine. Compared to everybody else, my friend amount is low so every friend counts! Oh wait-it's quality not quantity that counts in a friendship, right?? Take that Facebook.

Today I realized that I spend too much time on Facebook. It's ridiculous. And I'm not even being productive. Just looking at other people's status and their profile. I could be doing more productive things with my time. That's why I have decided to take a little break from Facebook. Starting tomorrow morning I will not be checking Facebook for several days. At least until the weekend is over. Instead of logging in, I have come up with a list of things to do instead:

• Work on this blog. (Duh!) This blog means a lot to me but I don't think I've accurately portrayed that.
• Read. I love to read. Right now I'm working on Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai. I started reading this book back in May when Ago was in the hospital. It's taken me too long to finish it. Almost three months. That is so wrong for me. I've been known to finish books in one day. (Well...those are usually my legal thrillers, the John Grishams')
• Speaking of Grisham, I still need to read The Associate.
• Exercise. What more can I say? I don't need to list this--this needs to be done everyday.
• Cook. I should bring down my tagine and use it more often. Whenever I use it everything turns out delicious. And also try cooking the things I've always wanted to but never had the time and probably won't have the time too in the upcoming months. Like Lobster. I know, I know too ambitious for a novice.
• Watch TV? I question this one because lately I've noticed that I don't have the patience to watch television anymore. But if I'm being entertained or learning then that's productive.
• Art. Learn it/Create it. I have some nupastels that I've been itching to use. Along with a large sketch pad they're just sitting in my room in the package.
• Sleep. I learned last semester that naps are GOOD.
• Explore the ATX. I feel like there is so much more than what i already know. And I'm missing out on a lot of what it has to offer.
• Study/get ahead for next semester. Yeah right. Notice how this one is last.

We'll see how everything turns out. Ojalá that this all works out and my time is used in a more productive manner. I know---no----I am sure that it will be.

Time to get back to blogging

I can't think of anything new to blog. It's been a rough past couple weeks and I don't want to imagine how the next year is going to be. Birthdays, holidays, will all seem so different now. His presence in our lives, in my life, was so huge that now all there is is an empty space. I knew he would pass away one day, but I thought it there would be more time. Processing this has been difficult, but contrary to what i previously stated, I believe time is key.

1914-2009

I never thought that after the last post things would change so much. A little over a week ago, My grandfather, the one this blog is about, passed away. Ago was 94. He was in and out of hospitals and nursing homes for about five weeks. Apparently, back during Memorial Day, he might of suffered some kind of stroke affected his swallowing. Food and water would not go to his stomach, but to his lungs, and that would cause him to have aspirated pneumonia. A feeding tube was then inserted in him and then that was his demise. Once he had the feeding tube, I began to notice he was no longer the Ago that I knew. I didn't want to think that things would never go back to the way they were, but once he went to rehab (to relearn how to swallow) I think we all had a feeling.

So now he is physically gone but he lives on in us and our memories. Though, I don't think I realized how big of a part of my life he was. It seems like there is a big empty hole in my life. I keep waiting for him to come back, but yet I know that he isn't. Last weekend, I went to his place to pick out a few things that I wanted. Some of the things that he had were special to me and instead of throwing them out or giving them away i brought them back with me. But, I couldn't bring myself to go through his closet too much because I kept thinking he's going to be back and he's not going to be able to find anything. I didn't want to clean the dishes because that was probably one of the last things he did before he was taken to the hospital. It was difficult because everything evoked so many memories. I inventoried his vitamins and i remember when he bought some of them. The frustration on my face when he would tell me the name of the one and I had no f-ing idea of what he was talking about. Still brings me a smile. I realize that i well never have one of those moments again.

Right now, I'm thinking and feeling different emotions, but as time progresses I'll be able to organize my thoughts into what I want to say.

By the way, this is the last picture we took of Ago. It might be hard to see but Ago was smiling in the picture. He was super excited because we were going to "that store" and the Vitamin Shoppe, so it was a double outing. On the carrito is the "I'm A Longhorn Grandpa" bumper sticker. I couldn't help myself from putting it on! This is also classic Ago, hat, bastón, and carrito, three things we can never leave home without.

Warehouse in the closet

Many times I have taken Ago to his "candy store" aka the Vitamin Shoppe. Every time we went he'd buy a lot. I mean, I'm pretty sure there have been sometimes when that store has been in the red and then Ago comes along and well....half an hour later they're in the green. First we'd get the regular stuff, like vitamin B 12, Kelp, Flax Seed Oil, and calcium. Then he'd be more daring and try some new things that he read about in his go-to, factoid book Recetas Que Curan. He has two copies, both in Spanish, and according to him they are the most useful books he's ever read. He swears by them. (Big thanks to my mother for giving him one as a gift...haha). Anyways, I always wondered, since we were buying the same things every month, how fast does he go through everything? Well....i learned that it takes sometime to finish the dosage and in the meantime you keep buying until it get to the point that you have a warehouse of vitamins and supplements in your closet. (His hat collection is also visible. We never leave home without one!)

It looks like he's either hoarding his things or waiting to sell them....but to whom? It scares me that this many pills. I understand a couple here and there for certain issues, but come on! All he's missing is Muscle Milk and Redline then he'll actually be the Vitamin Shoppe. Here's a close up:

Same with the 1L and 1.5L bottles of Evian, hoarding....OR stocking up for hurricane season? haha. By the way, Evian is the ONLY water Ago will drink. I hear AGUA! AGUA! EVIAN Y NADA MAS! every time we're at Kroger. I have literately seen this man drop some serious cash for Evian (not as much as the Vitamin Shoppe, though), as obvious by this picture.

Happenings

I've taken a longer break from blogging than I thought. Not that I was actively posting before but I had started a habit of blogging at least something every couple of days. But then Ago was hospitalized and I was in no mood to express any ideas. The situation has been a bit surreal as seeing that I never thought that this would ever happen to my grandfather. The timeline goes a little like this: first, Memorial Day weekend Ago suffered a stroke that caused him to lose the ability to swallow. Whatever he swallows does not down his esophagus, it will go down his trachea into the lungs which can lead to pulmonary aspiration, aka pneumonia. Pneumonia + 94 year old Ago = not good. So, after almost a week in the hospital Ago got a feeding tube to get his nutrients and then was transported to a rehabilitation center to relearn how to swallow (many comments on this later). Then, Ago didn't even spend a week in rehab, before he ended up back in the hospital. I knew this was going to happen, going to rehab wasn't going to help that much. How is a 94 year old man supposed to learn how to swallow? How is Ago supposed to learn how to swallow? He is the most stubborn person I know, it if somethings not done his way he won't do it, and on top of that he thinks he is cured. He doesn't understand the complexity of the situation.

My mother has been using the word "surreal" to describe the situation. I can't speak for her what she is going through, but it is surreal for me also. The relationship between Ago and everyone is the family is different. I always believed that My brother and I got the softer side of him (if it even exists) because we are his grandchildren. And I like to believe that I knew Ago at his best, even though there have been some ugly times. That's why this is so surreal, I'm seeing a different side of him. I'm seeing helpless Ago: Ago in his hospital bed, needing assistance to move. I've never seen helpless Ago. This man is always on the move. I turn around at HEB and he's already moved on to the next section.

I will say this: he's still being assertive and stubborn, which is exhausting for everyone but also assuring because he still got it.

1959

The month of May hasn't been that great for us or my grandfather. He's fallen down three times and on the third fall he ended up in the ER. This happened over the weekend and he's now in the hospital with a throat infection. Anyways, watching Ago today, I realized something: my grandfather doesn't live in 2009. He's still in 1959. Everything about him, the way he eats, the way he thinks, the way he dresses (definitely the way he dresses) screams 1959. The only things that are of this year are the treadmill and printer/copier/fax. Actually, I don't even think 2009 is accurate because he's lacking a cell phone.

So his mentality is still in 1959 but that's not necessarily a bad thing, its just Ago. He's always been like this. Stuck in the past, un-willing to change his ways. Just look at his wardrobe. The hat and the jacket look straight of a 1950s movie and the man has not bought new shoes in like 20 years!

The past couple of days have been interesting and (obviously) humor has been helping to cope. Watching Ago the way he is right now is difficult but every time he pulls one of his Agosims I can't help but laugh. Every time he confirms what just happened or barks orders, such as close the blinds, shut the door, or go to his house and bring him his Evian and the yogurt I can't help but think that's my grandfather.